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What makes it difficult for me to talk to people?

When I try to follow a conversation between three or more people, I barely understand what is being said. In this post, I will explain what difficulties it has created for me in life, and I will share the beginning of a solution I found to deal with it.

The difficulty of following people's conversations meant that even at school, I could not understand what was being said fully. It continued at university and later - at work. I had to work twice as hard as someone who does not suffer from concentration problems, and I was even fired because of it.

When I was a kid, I was not aware that I could not keep track of a conversation. It made me unable to form friendships. In conversations, I would speak according to what I thought I understood. And because I could not keep up - I would talk no matter what. Of course, it was ridiculous. The other kids would laugh at me. And I would react with anger, which I also did not know how to express appropriately. The result was that my behavior was even more ridiculous.

I started to get scared of people's reactions, and later I became shy. I was afraid to talk to the people at the risk of being ridiculous. Because of this, I stopped talking to people. Because of this, people saw me as a strange and unfriendly person. To get out of this problem, I would try to emulate the others, and then I would talk but unnaturally, except with my family and my closest friends. Trying hard to be "one of the guys" is a test recipe to achieve the exact opposite result.

It took me many years, but in the end, I learned that I should not be ashamed: to be me, and as I am, that's fine! And if I trust myself and accept myself with my uniqueness, then most people will accept me. And those who will not accept me then, this is their problem! By the way, contrary to what I once thought, to be confident in yourself is not to be arrogant: one can certainly be confident in oneself and remain humble and responsive.

To emphasize to what extent I was complicated and had a poor self-image, here is:

That when someone harassed me, I would express anger towards him - as stated in a ridiculous way (the complete opposite of a person who trusts himself and knows how to put in his place the person who is trying to harass him). But inside me, I would say to myself: if he is bad towards me, then since I am not worth anything, he is right !!!

I remember telling my psychologist about such a case, and I said to her that someone had humiliated, and he was right, in my opinion. She replied to me: "He indeed did something horrible to you. Didn't you think for a moment that he was fucked ?!"

On the other hand, when someone would treat me sympathetically, then I would say to myself: "I am so miserable that if he treats me in such a way, then he feels compassion for me or laughs at me!". So in the end, I would demonstrate to this man, who at first only wanted my best, a hostile attitude - and I would be able to turn him into an enemy as well. By the way a vicious circle, it would have strengthened my absurd mind (so I realized today) that everyone hates me.

What created change?

It took me a long time, but I realized the root of the problem I had in the conversations: my inability to follow people's speech. Once I realized it, I began to improve my behavior in society. I now have friends, and I behave almost normally.

The difficulty of following conversations still exists, and I'm trying to find a way to deal with it. I will emphasize that the difficulty in understanding others does not happen when I speak to a single person, but only when I try to listen to a conversation between three or more people.

The explanation for this, in my opinion, is that in a one-on-one conversation, I am the relevant person. For the same reason, I can understand a conversation between several people in one and only one case: when I am in focus. For example, when people turn to me and talk about me or a topic, I have initiated. I do my best to listen to others but still have a hard time. So I tell myself that maybe I'm too selfish.

I found a partial solution to listen more, or at least - respond to the matter. The way I have found is to be quiet most of the time, and if I understand what it is about, ask a question. I have noticed that people accept me when I behave this way. They treat me as someone introverted and quiet but neither shy nor ridiculous. However, I would like to get even better and be able to participate fully in the conversations.

By the way, what's wrong with being shy? Being quiet but confident, that's fine! On the other hand, being timid, in a sense I described: not talking when it was definitely my right and even my duty to speak, for example, to protect myself and not let people trample me, or talk but not to interest, belittle others, and demonstrate excessive self-confidence, is definitely bad!

I would be happy to hear from you:

Do you have any recommendations on how to track calls successfully?

Have you also faced or are facing this problem?

I would love to read your comments.

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