My dear Innocent,
In the message you sent me yesterday, you asked me if I had any tips for talking to a girl.
I told you, alas, I didn't and I was sincere: at the time, I really didn't. On the other hand, I guess you're like me: you don't like people, just to feel important and look down on you, to take advantage of your distress to start advising you on anything.
Since then, I thought about it again and I told myself that I actually had a lot to tell you about it, even if this is not necessarily the kind of advice you expected: dress like this, do this, don't do that, say that and that, etc.
But before giving you positive advice, namely: what to do to please a girl, I want to give you negative advice: what should you especially not do?
Well, it’s quite simple: don’t follow my example, don’t do what I did!
I was lonely, shy, depressed, friendless, and furthermore estranged from my family. I told myself that I would never start a family, never have a wife who would love me and take care of me. I would never know the joy of being a father. Most of all, I was bored and couldn't afford to meet my sexual needs.
So, I put an ad in the newspaper. It was 34 years ago. Today, with the Internet, I would have done it a little differently, but the principle remains the same: since I had no knowledge, and I was too shy to approach a girl in a meeting place, I wanted her to ask me.
I saw a lot of girls’ parade _ To no avail: they either didn't like me or they were too below what I expected.
And then luck smiled on me, at least I believed it. A very beautiful and good girl in all respects as they say, introduced herself to me. She told me that she liked me very much and that she would be very happy with me. I was overjoyed. Right away, she came to live with me. (In fact, as I understood much later, she, who lived in the countryside, was simply looking for a sucker which would lodge her during her studies in Paris.)
I had fallen in love with her. They say love is blind: At first, she might have cared a little bit about me but was far from loving me back. I saw all this without seeing it; I refused to see it. Just, did we have sex every now and then.
After a year and a half, I proposed to her. She said to me, "Alright! In the same tone she would have answered the question, "What time is it?"
Our marriage lasted a year and a half as well. She put me through hell. To give you an idea:
1) From the first day of our marriage, she told me that she would not share the common expense of our marriage, which would therefore be solely my responsibility. The reason given was that supposedly her father had taken out a savings plan for her, which she had to supplement monthly with her salary. (I swallowed everything she said)
2) I did NOT have sex with her during those 18 months. (I wonder if this is a unique case in the annals of married couple stories). I tried once. She refused me. Then I realized there was no point in even trying.
3) Every weekend, she took MY car to visit her parents in the countryside. She only "invited" me once, when I regularly visited them during our engagement.
4) She worked as a midwife and did three night shifts a week, during which I did not see her at all. Then, in the end, she invented two more guards, which she decided to take upon herself. (Again, I swallowed everything she said) In fact, she was going to see her lover! That's what a mutual friend of both of us told me.
5) Every evening, for dinner, she opened two cans: one for the cat who hated me, and which she had adopted against my will, and the other a can of green beans for me.
6) She made fun of every word I had the misfortune to say to her, she insulted my mother who lived abroad and whom she therefore never saw ...
I was unhappy, I continued to love her and make excuses for her.
In the end, it was she who left me to my chagrin. It took a long time to recover from this story.
To come back to you and the advice I want to give you so that you are happy and that such a misfortune does not happen to you:
Don't obsessively try to meet a girl to marry her! Think about being happy with yourself first. Make lots of friends, girls (without a second thought) and boys. Have loads of activities both professional and hobbies. In short, BE HAPPY. (You can read the advice I give on this subject on my blog). You will find that when you have achieved all of this, THE REST WILL COME NATURALLY. You will be spoiled for choice!
And even if you can't find a soul mate, know that it is perfectly possible to be very happy while remaining single. As the saying goes: Better to be alone than in bad company. You currently have a major asset: YOUR FREEDOM. Many married couples with or without children envy you. Know how to appreciate it at its true value.
I wish you with all my heart to find your happiness.
Sincerely,
Yossi