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We don't always ask the right questions

Sometimes we are disturbed by questions concerning the realm of the spirit. Always the same questions that come up in certain circumstances. These issues cause adverse effects. Starting with inappropriate behaviors, ending with the use of alcohol and tobacco to try, if not to resolve the issues, at least to ensure that they no longer hurt us. In extreme cases, some choose suicide as a last resort in the face of their pain.

Like everyone else, I've been asking myself these kinds of questions for decades and I thought I'd never find answers to them. (By the way, don't worry! I'll give examples of such questions soon) And you know what? When I found the answers to one of these questions, I realized the following:

- The answer was not: A or B as I thought, but A, and B too, or sometimes A and sometimes B

- Sometimes the answer was neither A nor B but rather C, which meant that my question itself was not correct, or that the answer came from a direction that I did not even have imagined.

- The correct answer to my questions was very simple and common sense and I wondered how I had even struggled with them for decades.

I will give two examples:

1) For years, I asked myself: Why am I not like everyone else?

What made me ask this question was that I had the feeling, which was sometimes justified and sometimes not, that people hated me and made fun of me.

What inappropriate behaviors have I been led to ask myself this question?

- That of trying to imitate others to finally be "like everyone else". In doing so, being a bad impersonator, I made myself look ridiculous, people laughed at me even more, which was a vicious circle because it reinforced in me the feeling that I was really not like everyone else.

- In desperation, deciding to stop talking to others, becoming chronically shy, which did not solve the problems, but instead exacerbated them.

What good answer did I find (after many years of research, and trial and error)?

The very idea that I was not like everyone else was the mistake:

A) On the one hand, I'm like everyone else. I mean I don't have to constantly look for all kinds of ways to stand out and be original. This didn't make me more admirable or respectable by others, but on the contrary: it gave me the label of a lunatic.

As far as I was concerned, the feeling that I was not everyone had prevented me from realizing that I was a human being, who had all his rights, and above all the right to be respected.

B) On the other hand, I am indeed not like everyone else: none of us are like everyone else! And that's what makes our charm, and mine in particular. My originality in the good sense of the term, not this "originality" that I thought I had when I was trying to stand out, but the one that set me apart from others precisely when I was not trying to stand out, this originality was appreciated by most people.

2) I felt awkward when I heard others telling stories and laughing.

What inappropriate behaviors have I been led to ask myself this question?

A) By the feeling that I absolutely had to say something, otherwise I would be classified as someone shy, I spoke and said things off topic. People criticized me and I accepted it very badly.

B) I concluded that speaking in front of people is a forbidden thing for me and I was silent in cases where I really had something to say.

What good answer did I find (after many years of research, and trial and error)?

I noticed that the people I liked because they spoke well and in a neutral way, didn't always speak either!

The conclusion I drew was:

A) If I have nothing to say, no one will eat me if I am silent, on the contrary they can even respect me for this reason.

B) If I really have something to say, I shouldn't be ashamed to say it.

Now, when such a new question arises, I immediately wonder if I am asking myself a correct question, the answer to which must be A or B.

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